Show Notes Episode 147: How to Write a Story about Abuse Without Using the Word

Today on our show, we bring you a story by Sally Quon called Finding Home.

Sally’s story is an exercise in restraint. Andrea tried a little experiment with Sally’s submission in order to make the story more powerful. She asked Sally to cut all seven mentions of the word, abuse. Andrea learned of this technique while taking a course with Dan Wakefield who assigned the book Name All the Animals by Alison Smith. The book is about grief and yet, the word grief is mentioned only once. Listen and learn why this method is so effective.

Sally Quon lives in the Okanagan. She has been shortlisted for Vallum Magazine’s Chapbook Prize and is an associate member of the League of Canadian Poets. Her personal blog, https://featherstone-creative.com is where she posts her back-country adventures and photos. She has been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul, Big-Stories About Life in a Plus Size Body, and Writing For Life. Her first collection of poetry, Beauty Born of Pain, is due to be released in 2023. You can find her at the following places: FaceBook: Sally Quon, Instagram: @sallyquon, Twitter: @QuonSally

Writing Class Radio is hosted by Allison Langer and Andrea Askowitz. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski and Aiden Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music is by Emia.

There’s more writing class on our website including stories we study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. 

For $35/month you can join our First Draft weekly writers groups. You have the option to join Allison, Tuesdays 12-1 ET and/or Zorina Frey Wednesdays 7-8pm ET. You’ll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. First session is free. Click First Draft for Zoom link. We also added a new tips clinic every second Saturday. Click Tips Clinic to register.

Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.patreon.com/writingclassradio.

A new episode will drop every other WEDNESDAY. 

If you would like a transcript of the episode read below:

Andrea Askowitz 00:00:07

I'm Andrea Askowitz

Allison Langer 00:00:09

I'm Allison Langer, and this is Writing Class Radio. You'll hear true personal stories and learn how to write your own stories. Together, we produce this podcast, which is equal parts heart and art. By heart, we mean the truth in a story, and by art, we mean the craft of writing. No matter what's going on in our lives, writing Class is where we tell the truth. It's where we work out our sheep. There's no place in the world like Writing Class, and we want to bring you in.

Andrea Askowitz 00:00:38

Today on our show, we bring you a story by Sally Quon. Her story is an exercise in restraint. Does that make any sense?

Allison Langer 00:00:48

I think so. She had to restrain herself from beating us over the head when we cut all her abuse.

Andrea Askowitz 00:00:53

Okay, so what we did was we had her take out the word abuse, and it's a great example now of trusting the reader. And that's all we'll say about it before we hear it. Sally's story is called Finding Home. Sally Quon lives in the Okanagan. What's that?

Allison Langer 00:01:12

Okanagan.

Andrea Askowitz 00:01:13

Sally Quon lives in the Okanagan.

Allison Langer 00:01:16

I think it's a valley. Okanagan valley.

Andrea Askowitz 00:01:18

O'conaghan.

Allison Langer 00:01:19

Maybe we should look that up before we sound like Oakland.

Andrea Askowitz 00:01:23

She lives in the Okanagan.

Allison Langer 00:01:26

It's a region, the Okanagan, also known as the Okanagan Valley.

Andrea Askowitz 00:01:31

How do you know you're saying it right?

Allison Langer 00:01:32

Well, I don't know. I mean, I'm looking on Wikipedia.

Andrea Askowitz 00:01:35

How do you know it's not O'connogan?

Allison Langer 00:01:36

Because that sounds Scottish.

Andrea Askowitz 00:01:39

Okay, I don't know.

Allison Langer 00:01:41

She lives in Canada. Up there, you know.

Andrea Askowitz 00:01:45

Canada. Okay. She also lives in the Okanagan. She has been shortlisted for Fallon Magazine's Chapel Prize and is an associate member of the League of Canadian Poets. Her personal blog, Featherstone Creative.com, is where she posts her backcountry adventures and photos. She has been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul, big stories about life in a plus sized body, and writing for life. Her first collection of poetry, Beauty Born of Pain, is due to be released in 2023. Yeah, good for her. We'll be back with Sally's story after the break.

Allison Langer 00:02:29

We're back. I'm Allison Langer, and this is Writing Class Radio. Here's sally Quon reading her story, finding home.

Sally Quon (Reader) 00:02:40

A year ago, my children and I left our home with a bag of clothes, one ancient laptop, and my camera. My daughter chose to stay in Calgary, moving in with friends and starting her own life. My 19 year old son and I got into my truck and headed west. You'd think after 25 years in a bad marriage, I would have had an escape plan, some idea of where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. I did not. You'd think there would have been daydreams about this moment? There were not. The truth is, I never expected to live this long. My husband's anger could erupt at any moment. It might be months or even years between blows, but you could never predict when it might happen, and each time it did was worse than the time before. I should have run the first time he hit me. We weren't married then. He was jealous. I danced with someone else at the bar the night before. I tried to tell him it wasn't a big deal. Not a big deal, he said, not a big deal. Before I knew what was happening, he flew at me and punched me in the head. It hurt. It also filled me with confusion and adrenaline. I was dizzy and shaking all over. The fear didn't come until later. He never apologized or asked for my forgiveness. His lack of remorse led me to believe he didn't mean to do it and was ashamed to mention it. I couldn't have been more wrong. It didn't happen again. For a long time before we met, I was a social person. I lived on Vancouver Island. I spent days with friends at the beach. I worked as a bartender in a fun and lively pub. I wrote poetry and short stories. I read the Tarot. I had an impressive collection of books and music. My mother once described me as a hippie gypsy witch. She wasn't wrong. I was in love with life. It's difficult to describe how I let the relationship go as long as it did. He told me there was no place I'd go where he wouldn't find me. I believed him. As soon as we were married, he stopped working, claiming depression. I was left to work two, sometimes three jobs to support us. In desperation, we moved from Vancouver Island to Calgary, his hometown, thinking a change of scenery might shake him up enough to pull his weight in her marriage. Again, I was wrong. The night I told him I was pregnant with our daughter, he beat me to the ground and began kicking me in the stomach until I thought for sure I would lose the baby. I managed to scramble to the door and run. He chased me through the neighborhood and I hid in the shadows, trying desperately to control my sobs so he wouldn't find me. I had nowhere to go. Eventually, I snuck back to our apartment building and huddled beneath the stairs until a neighbor found me and took me in. I wept and worried, not knowing where to turn. I almost got away that time, but he showed up at my workplace and convinced me I would never make it as a single mother. He told me if I left, I would never get custody. These were the chains that held me in place. When the baby was born, he became a different man. So much love and tenderness. But his refusal to work continued beyond the birth of our son. Two and a half years later, I was working as a hot shot courier, delivering supplies to construction sites during the day, a server in a casino in the evening, and a newspaper delivery woman at night. Still, we were barely getting by. I was getting little to no sleep and eating poorly. The day I crossed the center line and almost caused a head on collision was the day I knew something had to change. I asked the CEO of the distribution company where I delivered newspapers for a promotion. He gave me a three month trial period. Three months turned into 15 years. Over the years, the three of us lived our lives trying not to stumble over an invisible tripwire and blaming ourselves when one of us did. No one was safe from him. He seemed to delight in making the kids cry. By the time I left, I'd lost the will to live, committing a slow form of suicide by ignoring my health and gorging on chocolate and potato chips. I gained so much weight, I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. Every piece of clothing I owned was secondhand and covered in newsprint stains. But what did it matter? I didn't do anything except work. I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, vascular disease, type two diabetes AFib, and morbid obesity. All of that tangled into one barely mobile disaster. That was me. Yet there must have been some spark of defiance left, some instinct capable of finding its way through the mire of hopelessness and self loathing. The final battle came out of the blue. I went to bed fully closed because I felt less vulnerable than I did when I was naked. The room was dark, but my eyes were wide open, watching, listening for footsteps in the hall. On this morning, everything seemed normal. We were having coffee together when he asked me to pull a small wire through a hole in the remote. Because he couldn't quite manage. He handed it to me with my swollen, arthritic fingers. I couldn't do it either. I handed it back to him. Fat cow. He snarled. Worthless cunt. I stood up to leave the room, but as I was walking away, he picked up a heavy wall charger and threw it at my head, striking me just below the temple. Stunned and bloodied, I turned around, but he was already on top of me. Swinging, I dropped. He kicked me in the ribs repeatedly, grabbed me by the hair, flipping me over so he could straddle me and continue his assault on my face and head. I had learned years earlier not to fight back. It ended sooner when I just let it happen. Resistance only fuelled the rage. Eventually, he moved off. I was bleeding from the head, had several bruised ribs, a black eye and lost two teeth. I picked myself up off the ground where he left me and walked out the door. It should have been a joyous thing, my new found freedom. But that's not the way I remember it. What I remember about those early days is the fear. Fear of being followed and found. But more than that the fear of what lay ahead. How would we live? Where would we go? Who would hire me? I had no education. I was overweight with limited mobility, and now I was missing teeth. It didn't matter that I had been the breadwinner running a distribution company. That was a one shot lucky break. I couldn't count on that kind of luck happening again. Sleeping at night was unfamiliar to me. I would wake certain. I heard him yelling at me. His voice was a constant echo in my head, telling me how worthless I was, how I'd never survive without him. I couldn't talk to my son about how I felt. I needed him to believe that I was okay, that I had the strength to follow through. I know he worried I would change my mind and return. Six days after leaving Calgary, and 25 years after the nightmare began, I returned to Vancouver Island. I stepped onto the beach I never thought I'd see again. The beach where once upon a time, life was full of possibility. I was young and carefree, full of life and plans for the future all at once. In that moment, I knew I was being given a second chance. I saw myself on that beach at the age of 20, and I remembered who I was.

Andrea Askowitz 00:09:49

I'm in love with this story. It's so good.

Allison Langer 00:09:53

Oh, my God, it's so sad. You know, we've read it a bunch of times and worked on it, and all of a sudden hearing it with her voice just made me wonder, what the fuck is wrong with people? You know, I just felt for her and I I know we're not supposed to talk about the actual content of the story that much, but of course, we always do. Yeah, but the writing was so strong.

Andrea Askowitz 00:10:16

What's so striking to me is that this woman is describing an abusive relationship and getting away from it finally after 25 years, and, like, getting a second chance and finding herself again. But what she did was she pared out every mention of abuse or abusive relationship. And it's not in here one time, those words, but in the original draft. And I just want to say this because we asked her to take them out, the original draft, she said abuse or abusive seven times. And without it, if you say the word abuse or abusive, it conjures up so many things, and it's sort of like using a cliche. It becomes cliche. It's not exactly a diagnosis, but I've noticed this when people comment on other people and they give them a diagnosis, if it's not a real diagnosis, then it just brings up all these other things in the mind of the reader. It's just not necessary. And I feel like she described for me 100% what it feels like to be in an abusive relationship. Just by showing exactly and telling. It's not just showing. She didn't just only show, but she showed and told what she went through, but without using that word.

Allison Langer 00:11:38

When we talked about this prior to the show, and I was like, we love to try to find a lesson in every story. And I wasn't sure I understood exactly what you were saying by taking out the word and not using it would have more power. But now that I'm hearing you say this, what I think I'm getting is that when somebody says a word in your mind, you have your own ideas.

Andrea Askowitz 00:12:00

About what that word means.

Allison Langer 00:12:02

Then you sort of get sidetracked or you assume or you're waiting for the same old story. But what happens when that is out is that now I'm just listening to her story.

Andrea Askowitz 00:12:13

Right. Her specific details are what matters, not this general sense of what abuse means. Yeah.

Allison Langer 00:12:22

It has a lot more power.

Andrea Askowitz 00:12:23

Yeah. I remember I took a class with Dan Wakefield, like, ten years ago, and I don't even know if he's still teaching anymore. And he had us read a book called Name All the Animals, and the book was about grief, but the word grief was not in there one time in a whole memoir, but we got this narrator's experience of grief, and that has stuck with me. So words like abuse or narcissist or there's just the labels. Labels that are overdone, take away from the specifics of the actual situation. Yeah.

Allison Langer 00:13:02

Change the word.

Andrea Askowitz 00:13:04

Exactly. So, Sally Quon, well done with paring out that one specific word, abuse. Okay, thanks for letting me talk about that. There's so many other things in here that I thought were just gorgeous. So one of them was her honesty about herself. She shows what she was like and what she looked like. I mean, she talks about gaining weight, and then when she gets beat up that last time and she loses teeth, she shows us a few paragraphs later, like, now who would hire me now I'm overweight and now I'm missing teeth. She's not pussyfooting around on what the hell she's been through and what she's afraid of now going forward, based on what she looks like. And I thought that was so honest, hard to do. It might not be politically correct. I don't care. It's vivid. It's gorgeous. Yeah.

Allison Langer 00:14:02

And I think she tells us just enough about her kids. We know she has them and they're there. But this is not about her kids or the relationship with her kids, the husband's related. It's really about her finding herself again after all of this. So she shows us the four, and then she shows us what she goes through, and then we get to the end where she finds herself again. So actually the way this is structured is she goes right into the heat of the moment, right? So that the hottest part of her story. And so we're completely drawn in that she's in about. She leaves her house because of the moment she's leaving. Exactly. And then she goes back a little bit in time, and she tells us blah, blah, blah about her marriage.

Andrea Askowitz 00:14:49

She was in a bad marriage for 25 years. There was this one part I'm sorry. I'm jumping all over you. Sorry. I'm excited. There was this one moment where she said, I should have dreamed of what this moment would look like, but I never expected to live this long. And then this time, a second later, she talks about her husband's anger erupting, and I was like, Fuck. She thought he could have killed her. Yeah, I didn't get that before.

Allison Langer 00:15:14

And, you know, this is always my favorite structure, and we talk about this all the time. You start with the moment. You go back a little bit in time, and then you catch back up and you keep moving forward. So she even tells us that before they met, she was a social person. She lived on Vancouver Island, blah, blah, blah.

Andrea Askowitz 00:15:27

She tells us all the gypsy, which her mom thought of her. We get total voice. And also I get this image of this joyful, happy go lucky, just go with the flow, fun woman, and then that shit's beaten out of her. Yeah.

Allison Langer 00:15:47

Then she goes right back into the moment, right back to the marriage, the kid, the whole thing. And we see everything, the job, the whole thing, until we get to the end. And so she's describing a situation, but, yeah, you're holding up your finger.

Andrea Askowitz 00:16:00

There was one more moment that I thought before we get back to the end, where she says, these were the chains that held me in place. And I thought that was an ideal, perfect way to describe the cycle of abuse without saying I was caught in an abusive cycle. He said he convinced me that I would never make it. He told me that I would never get custody. These were the chains that kept me perfect.

Allison Langer 00:16:32

So we talk about cursing in a story. I can barely say a sentence without cursing, which is always the funniest part of me. Like subbing high school in the library. The library lady on the pickleball court.

Andrea Askowitz 00:16:44

Oh, no.

Allison Langer 00:16:45

But when she says she uses dialogue to say fat cow, he's snarled, worthless hunt. Like, what?

Andrea Askowitz 00:16:55

Fat cow? He's snarled worthless hunt. Yeah. Okay.

Allison Langer 00:16:59

So, I mean, what were you thinking? He said, she said that whole thing.

Andrea Askowitz 00:17:03

In that case, I don't think we sorry. It's too late. It's not terrible. I don't mind it. But fat cow and worthless hunt are snarly enough. Yeah.

Allison Langer 00:17:13

So you don't have to say he's snarled, but that goes back to a stylistic thing. I've seen that in books, read books now, and I'm like, oh, we don't like that. But obviously this is published, so somebody does. So you can listen to us or you can listen to yourself. Right, exactly. But I just really think it really expressed so much, and I swear, I was like, what is wrong with us? When do we go so wrong? How do we get to a point where we're calling our love, our partner, this person we married, a worthless hunt god, no wonder the world is full of hate.

Andrea Askowitz 00:17:47

Well, all we know about the husband is that he was depressed. I think in a longer story, it would be really interesting to build out that character. I mean, in this case, I hate his guts. But in a longer piece, I wonder what he was really like. I mean, there were moments, obviously, when he was not beating her up and calling her a fat cow and a worthless cunt. So he went through whatever he went through. I wonder if she's writing a memoir. I want to read it.

Allison Langer 00:18:15

I know same, because it does say she's writing like a collection of poetry. So that's not the same.

Andrea Askowitz 00:18:22

No, I want to read her memoir.

Allison Langer 00:18:24

Yeah, me too. And I know that sometimes people are hesitant to write a memoir about this because it does happen a lot to a lot of people. But I really think each individual's personal story is important. It's important to write it. It's important to read other people's stories of this kind of stuff. I really do think that it's important. So, Sally Qu0n, get writing.

Andrea Askowitz 00:18:44

Sally Quon I think it would be a really interesting exercise and a really good, wonderful book to write this whole book without using the word abuse or abusive. Same as name all the animals.

Allison Langer 00:18:56

Didn't use the word and rename all the animals. I'm going to read Name all the Animals.

Andrea Askowitz 00:19:00

Yeah, it didn't use the word grief. Name all the animals by Alison Smith.

Allison Langer 00:19:05

I loved her voice. I really love that our narrators don't mind recording for us because I think it's so important to get the voice of the narrator. Love it.

Andrea Askowitz 00:19:14

For more Sally, go to Featherstonecreative.com where you'll find links to her social media. We'll also have links to Sally in our show notes. First, I want to say, though, before we go, Sally Quon, thank you for writing this story. The story is badass, bold and beautiful.

Allison Langer 00:19:37

Yeah, very, very Brady. Class radio is hosted by me, Allison.

Andrea Askowitz 00:19:49

Langer and me, Andrea Askowitz.

Allison Langer 00:19:52

Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski and Aidan Blacksey at the Sound Off Media company. The music is by Emmy. There's more writing class on our website, writingclassradio.com, including stories we study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. For $35 a month, you can join our first draft weekly writers group. You have the option to join me, Allison on Tuesdays, twelve to one Eastern time, and Zarina Fry Wednesdays, seven to 08:00 p.m.. Eastern time. You'll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. If you're looking to take your writing to the next level for $145 a month, you'll get first draft and second draft in second draft. Each week, three people bring a second draft for feedback. And we added one more class, which at the moment is whole, but it's a memoir writing class for all those people. Sally Quon. Sally Quon who want to write their memoir. It's a six month commitment, and we need every Monday night from eight to 09:00 p.m. Eastern time. If you're interested, shoot us an email so you can get on the list.

Andrea Askowitz 00:21:02

For the next one info@writingclassradio.com. And also, not to be ridiculous, but we added another class. Second Saturdays of every month, we do a Tips clinic and it's totally free and everyone's invited. It's noon to one Eastern second Saturday. Tips writing. Also, if you want to get in on that email info@writingclassradio.com and just put Tips Clinic in the subject line, join.

Allison Langer 00:21:30

The community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to patreon.com slash writingplusradio a new episode will drop every other Wednesday.

Andrea Askowitz 00:21:44

There's no better way to understand ourselves and each other than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story.

Allison Langer 00:21:54

What's yours?

Tara Sands (Voiceover) 00:21:54

Produced and distributed by the the Soundoff Media Company there's more writing class on our radio.

Andrea Askowitz 00:22:06

There's more writing class on our radio.

Allison Langer 00:22:09

Sorry.

Andrea Askowitz 00:22:10

There's more radio on our writing class.

Show Notes Episode 146: How to Write a Winning Pitch

Today, we bring you a story by Terry Barr with a secret he’s kept most of his life. This story highlights the importance of telling the truth and letting go of shame, in this case, about sexual assault. You’ll also hear Terry’s pitch when he submitted his essay to the podcast. AND, we discuss structure. Terry’s structure is exactly what Allison loves. If you want to hear your own stories on Writing Class Radio, this is a great episode to hear. This episode will help you understand what we look for and how to land a story on our show.

Terry Barr writes about music and culture at medium.com/@terrybarr. His most recent essay collection, The American Crisis Playlist was nominated for a 2022 Pushcart Prize. His work can also be found at Tell Your Story, storySouth, and Under the Sun. He lives in Greenville, SC, with his family.

Writing Class Radio is hosted by Allison Langer and Andrea Askowitz. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski and Aiden Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music is by Emia.

There’s more writing class on our website, writing class radio dot com including stories we study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. 

For $35/month you can join our First Draft weekly writers groups. You have the option to join Allison, Tuesdays 12-1 ET and/or Zorina Frey Wednesdays 7-8pm ET. You’ll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. If you’re looking to take your writing to the next level, for $145/mth you’ll get First Draft and Second Draft. In Second Draft, each week, three people bring a second draft for feedback. 

Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.patreon.com/writingclassradio.

A new episode will drop every other WEDNESDAY. 

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

Show Notes Episode 145: A New Year's Nightmare

On today’s episode, we’re bringing you an old episode that’s still relevant and awesome, in case you missed it back in season one.

You’ll meet a bunch of students from season 1: Frenchie, Tobi Ash, Cynthia Castillo, Bo, and Nicki Post. You’ll also hear a brief interview with each and the epic talent of Patricia Carlin, aka Frenchie, singing, playing piano, and whistling the tune of Auld Lang Syne. 

For the in-class prompt, Andrea played Auld Lang Syne. Listen to this episode to see what our students came up with and how important writing and sharing is to the psyche. This is also a fascinating look at the development of our podcast. We’ve been at this seven years and 145 episodes. We’re about to hit 1 million downloads!

Stay tuned to find out what Auld Lang Syne actually means and to get a list of the best of Writing Class Radio 2022. Happy New Year!

Writing Class Radio is hosted by Allison Langer and Andrea Askowitz. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski and Aiden Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music is by Justina Shandler. 

There’s more writing class on our website, writing class radio dot com including stories we study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. 

For $35/month you can join our First Draft weekly writers groups. You have the option to join Allison, Tuesdays 12-1 ET and/or Zorina Frey Wednesdays 7-8pm ET. You’ll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. If you’re looking to take your writing to the next level, for $145/mth you’ll get First Draft and Second Draft. In Second Draft, each week, three people bring a second draft for feedback. 

Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.patreon.com/writingclassradio.

A new episode will drop every other WEDNESDAY. 

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

Image by Myriams-Fotos from Pixabay 

Show Notes Episode 144: When Is a Gift More Than a Gift?

Today on our show, we bring you a story by Emily Henderson titled After Our Son Died, My Husband Gave Me The Most Meaningful Christmas Gift Of My Life. Emily workshopped this essay in our Final Draft class and then the Huffington Post published it on December 25, 2021. This story is an excellent example of using an object to convey emotion, details, and telling in addition to showing. Emily tells us how she’s feeling the entire story which intensifies her vulnerability. To hear another of Emily’s stories, listen to Episode 103: Writing the Same Story Over and Over. 

Emily Henderson is a runner and writer living in Santa Barbara, California. Her essays have appeared in Scary Mommy, the Santa Barbara Independent, Huffington Post, and Writing Class Radio. Emily is currently writing a memoir about processing the loss of her son while running every street in her city. You can follow her on Instagram at @emilykathleenwrites or visit emilykathleenwrites.com.

Writing Class Radio is hosted by Allison Langer and Andrea Askowitz. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski and Aiden Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music is by Justina Shandler. 

There’s more writing class on our website, writing class radio dot com including stories we study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. 

For $35/month you can join our First Draft weekly writers groups. You have the option to join Allison on Tuesdays 12-1 ET and/or Zorina Frey Wednesdays 7-8pm ET. You’ll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. If you’re looking to take your writing to the next level, for $145/mth you’ll get First Draft and Second Draft. In Second Draft, each week, three people bring a second draft for feedback. To try First Draft for free, email Andrea@writingclassradio.com.

Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.patreon.com/writingclassradio.

A new episode will drop every other WEDNESDAY. 

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

Show Notes Episode 143: Cutting Needless Words

Today on our show, we’re sharing another story by Corey Devon Arthur. Corey’s stories have been aired on Episode 120: My Pen Uncovers the Real Me and Episode 128: My New Manifesto.

Corey Devon Arthur has served 25 years on a life sentence for robbery and murder and is currently housed at Otisville Correctional Institution in New York. Corey is an artist and writer who has been published on Writing Class Radio and The Marshall Project. 

The story Corey wrote for this episode was in response to our callout for men’s abortion stories and it came in at 3,000 words. Allison loved the entire story, because she pretty much loves everything Corey writes. She made a few edits, asked Corey a bunch of questions, and the story got longer. She sent it to Andrea, sure she would love it. Only, Andrea was like, What is all this? Andrea whittled it down to 1,113 words. So today we’re talking about omitting needless words and why that is important.

We have a guest host. Xaire Vii co-hosted the prison series to help us get things right. Xaire is a poet, singer-songwriter, actor, and educator who teaches writing and poetry to kids in the foster care system and kids caught up in a detention center.

This episode of Writing Class Radio is hosted by Allison Langer, Andrea Askowitz and Xaire Vii. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski, and Aidan Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music by Justina Shandler.

There’s more writing class on our website www.writingclassradio.com including essays to study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community.

Follow us on Patreon to join our First Draft weekly writers groups. You have the option to join me on Tuesdays 12-1 ET and Zorina Wednesdays 7-8 pm ET. You’ll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. 

If you’re looking to take your writing to the next level, we have two Second Draft writing groups. Each week, three people bring a finished draft for feedback. 

Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.Patreon.com/writingclassradio. Or email andrea@writingclassradio.com for a Zoom link. First session is FREE.

A new episode will drop every other WEDNESDAY. 

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

Show Notes Episode 142: Beginnings and Endings

Today on our show, we’re talking about beginnings and endings. What is an effective way to begin a story and a satisfying way to end? The story we bring you on this episode is an amazing example of how to start with appropriate grounding and how to land/end the essay like a gymnast. The narrator isn’t just a beginning and ending genius, she also uses lingo associated with her theme. This style is effective, because the reader feels more drawn in. Another example of that same type of inclusive linguistic style was discussed on Episode 110: How to Write About Death: Use an Obsession. Jackie Ashton told the story of her best friend’s cancer by using the situation of a Golden State Warriors obsession and basketball lingo throughout. 

Shawna Kenney submitted the essay you will hear today and we were blown away. Her story is called Words with Mom.

Shawna Kenney is the author of four books, the latest being Live at the Safari Club: A History of HarDCore Punk in the Nation’s Capital 1988-1998. Kenney is a Contributing Editor with Narratively and her work has appeared in The New York Times, Playboy, Creative Nonfiction, Vice, Bust, Rock the Bells and more. She teaches memoir writing with the UCLA Extension Writers Program. 

Writing Class Radio is hosted and produced by Allison Langer, and Andrea Askowitz. With frequent guest host, Zorina Frey. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski, and Aidan Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music by Justina Shandler.

There’s more writing class on our website www.writingclassradio.com including essays to study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community.

Follow us on Patreon to join our First Draft weekly writers groups. You have the option to join Allison on Tuesdays 12-1 ET and Zorina Wednesdays 6-7pm ET. You’ll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. 

If you’re looking to take your writing to the next level, we have two Second Draft writing groups. Each week, three people bring a finished draft for feedback. 

Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.Patreon.com/writingclassradio. Or email andrea@writingclassradio.com for a Zoom link. First session is FREE.

A new episode will drop every other WEDNESDAY. 

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

Show Notes Episode 141: Where Does Your Mind Go When Given a Prompt

Today on our show, we bring you a story by one of Allison’s 7th grade students. She spent two months teaching English to 7th and 8th graders at a private school in Miami, and because she’s her, she assigned personal essay after personal essay. She learned about their parents, what they eat for dinner, their nannies, grandparents, and favorite sport. They resisted getting personal, the same way Allison did when she started writing.

Most people seem to struggle with writing about themselves, getting vulnerable, telling a story that might get them made fun of. But, not Webber. Webber is a kid who draws in class to stay focused. He pays attention and asks questions. When he speaks, his words matter. By the end of the first week of school, Allison had an inkling Webber was brilliant and unique. 

The Hispanic Heritage Month’s Essay Contest was optional for the school but a graded class assignment for Allison’s class. The students worked on the 500-word essay in class and those who weren’t Hispanic were stumped. Allison told them to write about being stumped. On the day the essay was due, Webber handed in an incredibly mature and well-written essay. A week later, at the culmination of the week’s Hispanic heritage celebration, Webber won the competition. 

Today, we bring you Webber’s essay, completely written on his own. Allison did no editing. What’s cool about this essay and many essays that are created from a writing prompt, is that Webber played the piano and let his mind wander. On this episode we talk about ways to relax our minds so we can write--either through being quiet, playing a sport, or using another art form.

Webber is a 12-year-old student at Ransom Everglades Middle School in Coconut Grove, Florida. His story is called The Bossa Nova.

Writing Class Radio is hosted and produced by Allison Langer,  Andrea Askowitz, and Zorina Frey. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski, and Aidan Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music by Justina Shandler.

There’s more writing class on our website www.writingclassradio.com including essays to study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community.

Follow us on Patreon to join our First Draft weekly writers groups. You have the option to join me on Tuesdays 12-1 ET and Zorina Wednesdays 6-7pm ET. You’ll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. 

If you’re looking to take your writing to the next level, we have two Second Draft writing groups. Each week, three people bring a finished draft for feedback. 

Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.Patreon.com/writingclassradio. Or email andrea@writingclassradio.com for a Zoom link. First session is FREE.

A new episode will drop every other WEDNESDAY. 

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

Show Notes Episode 140: One Man's Abortion Story

Today on our show, we bring you the story we’ve been searching for since June 24, 2022 when the Supreme Court overturned Roe v Wade. We put a call out for men’s abortion stories and waited months. In Episode 138: There’s Always More to the Story, we talked about why only three men submitted stories, none of which fit our guidelines. We called men cowards. Matt Cundill, our audio producer, was in the greenroom listening. If you missed Episode 138, check it out. You can hear the lashing we gave all the men out there who have a story they refuse to share. After the recording, Matt expressed his anger. Andrea said, “Let’s hear your story.” Today, he is sharing his story One Man’s Abortion Story with you. 

Sharing his story brought up some issues for the narrator and for many writers of memoir. How do you tell your story when the story involves others who may not want their story shared? On this episode, the hosts discuss how they handle this issue.

Matt Cundill has been voicing radio ads and voice-overs for film and television since the 90s. Matt is now president of The Sound Off Media Company which offers audio solutions and podcast creation. 

He made mention of an episode from Degrassi High in his story. You can see the episode as it appeared in Canada for free here. (The episode ran edited on PBS in the USA)

Writing Class Radio is hosted and produced by Allison Langer,  Andrea Askowitz, and Zorina Frey. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski, and Aidan Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music by Justina Shandler.

There’s more writing class on our website www.writingclassradio.com including essays to study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community.

For $25/month you can join our First Draft weekly writers groups. (Tuesdays 12-1 ET and/or Wednesdays 6-7pm ET). Write to a prompt and share what you wrote. For $125/mth, you’ll get 1st draft and 2nd Draft. Each week three people bring a second draft for feedback. Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go towww.Patreon.com/writingclassradio. Or email andrea@writingclassradio.com for Zoom link. First session is FREE.

A new episode will drop every other Wednesday.

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

Show Notes: Episode 139: This is What Mania Looks Like

Today’s episode showcases a story by student Danielle Huggins. Danielle’s story shows what happened when she got off her medication for bipolar disorder. This story is the best example of show and tell EVER! We ask you, why do you read and listen to stories: to be taken into another world or to find yourself in the story?

Danielle told a story on Episode 105: Teach Us Something We Don’t Know. That episode was about her experience with electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). If you haven’t listened to that episode, definitely check it out.

Danielle Huggins is a former middle school math teacher with a masters degree in literacy. She is currently a stay-at-home mom, a student of Writing Class Radio, and an avid kickboxer. Danielle has a Facebook page called My Life As a Bipolar Mom. You can also find her on Instagram @bipolardanielle. She lives in New Jersey with her husband and two children.

Writing Class Radio is hosted and produced by Allison Langer,  Andrea Askowitz, and Zorina Frey. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski, and Aidan Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music byJustina Shandler.

There’s more writing class on our website www.writingclassradio.com including essays to study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community.

For $25/month you can join our First Draft weekly writers groups. (Tuesdays 12-1 ET and/or Wednesdays 6-7pm ET). Write to a prompt and share what you wrote. For $125/mth, you’ll get 1st draft and 2nd Draft. Each week three people bring a second draft for feedback. Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.Patreon.com/writingclassradio. Or email andrea@writingclassradio.com for Zoom link. First session is FREE.

A new episode will drop every other Wednesday.

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

This is sponsored by Amber Petty. Her new podcast is called Don't Wait to Write.

Show Notes: Episode 138: There Is Always More to the Story

Today’s episode revisits the subject of abortion but is about much more. We put a call-out for men’s abortion stories and received several abortion stories by women and very few (only three) by men. We are grateful to the men who submitted, but none was quite right for Writing Class Radio. We will continue to bring you abortion stories as they come in. So men, please weigh in. We want to hear from you. Submission guidelines are on our website.

We selected this essay by past student Melanie Merriman because it is brilliantly written and deeply vulnerable. Melanie’s story shows how even someone who is a badass scientist can be manipulated and emotionally coerced into having sex when she doesn’t want to. Melanie's story also shows how there is so much more to every abortion story--every story.

Dr. Melanie P. Merriman, PhD was a research scientist. Now she’s a non-profit grant evaluator. She’s the author of Holding the Net: Caring For My Mother on the Tightrope of Aging. She’s written for The Washington Post, ThirdAge.com, Guideposts, and NextAvenue.org. She is also the co-author of Merriman’s Hawaii: The Chef, The Farmers, The Food, The Islands. You can find Melanie at www.melaniemerriman.com or on Twitter at https://twitter.com/authormerriman 

In the wake of the Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, please support The National Network of Abortion Funds. These funds, provide practical, logistical, and financial support for anyone who needs help obtaining an abortion. 

Writing Class Radio is hosted and produced by Allison Langer and Andrea Askowitz. Zorina Frey was absent for this recording. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski and Aidan Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music by Justina Shandler.

There’s more writing class on our website including essays to study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. 

For $25/month you can join our First Draft weekly writers groups. (Tuesdays 12-1 ET and/or Wednesdays 6-7pm ET). Write to a prompt and share what you wrote. For $125/mth, you’ll get 1st draft and 2nd Draft. Each week three people bring a second draft for feedback and brainstorming. Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.Patreon.com/writingclassradio.

A new episode will drop every other Wednesday.

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

Show Notes: Episode 137: How to Fight with Your Co-host and Win a Writing Contest

Today on our show we are going to share a story by our own Allison Langer called Writing Class Helped Me Break Down My Facade. You will hear us rehash a fight; talk about trying to make money as a writer; revisiting the same theme; and how to win a writing contest. 

If you think you are the only one writing about the same thing over and over, this episode is for you. See how themes can change over time and how you can win a contest when you least expect it. Writing class is more than just writing and trying to get published. It is about growth, connection, healing and everything in between. 

Allison Langer is a Miami native, University of Miami MBA, writer, and single mom to three children, ages 12, 15 and 17. She is a podcast producer and host, a private writing coach, taught memoir writing in prison and has been published in The Washington Post, Mutha Magazine, Scary Mommy, Modern Loss, and NextTribe. Allison wrote a novel about wrongful conviction and is actively looking for an agent. Currently, she is teaching middle school English and working on a memoir with her friend and inside student Clifton Jones (2-Tall).

Show Notes: Episode 136: What Makes You Weird in the World?

Today on our show, author and overall cool woman, Allison Landa reads an excerpt from her new memoir coming out October 4, 2022 called Bearded Lady (Woodhall Press). Pre-order today from our favorite Indie, Books & Books, or wherever you get books. Andrea read an advance copy and this story–this book–is one of Andrea’s all time favorites.

This essay, the whole memoir, is a lesson in guts out vulnerability. Andrea believes Allison Landa is the next Joan Didion.

The part we bring you is a perfect example of the use of a container and it’s also an elegant lesson in the importance of being vulnerable. Cheryl Strayed, author of Wild, said, “Don’t lift your skirt just to lift your skirt.” Allison Landa lifts her skirt for all the right reasons. We also talk about how to pull an excerpt from a memoir and make it work as a stand-alone piece.

Allison Landa is a Berkeley, CA-based writer who’s written for Parents Magazine, Business Insider, The Guardian, The Washington Post, and HuffPost Personal. She teaches at The Writing Salon in San Francisco and earned an MFA in fiction from St. Mary's College of California. She is represented by Marisa Zeppieri of Strachan Literary Agency. You can find Allison Landa at the following places:

www.facebook.com/matzohbrei, Twitter: @allisonlanda, Instagram: @adlanda or www.allisonlanda.com. Cover photo by Maya Blum Photography.

Writing Class Radio is hosted and produced by Allison Langer and Andrea Askowitz. Guest host is Zorina Frey. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski and Aidan Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music by Justina Shandler.

There’s more writing class on our website including essays to study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. 

For $25/month you can join our First Draft weekly writers groups. (Tuesdays 12-1 ET and/or Wednesdays 6-7pm ET). Write to a prompt and share what you wrote. For $125/mth, you’ll get 1st draft and 2nd Draft. Each week three people bring a second draft for feedback and brainstorming. Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.Patreon.com/writingclassradio.

A new episode will drop every other Wednesday.

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

Show Notes Episode 135: In Praise of Complaining

Today on our show we share a story by Cheryl E. Klein, author of the soon to be released memoir Crybaby. Cheryl takes an unusual subject, complaining, and makes a case for it. She even goes so far as to say complaining is noble. 

We discuss her voice and commitment to what some people, most people, probably think is an obnoxious quality. Cheryl also uses dialogue really well.

You can find Cheryl on Twitter @CherylEKleinLA and Instagram @CherylEKleinStories. Her story, In Praise of Complaining, was previously published in Mutha Magazine.

If you like this episode, please share it with one person. That’s how love is shared.

Writing Class Radio is produced by Allison Langer, Andrea Askowitz and by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski and Aidan Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music by Justina Shandler.

There’s more writing class on our website including essays to study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. 

For $25/month you can join our First Draft weekly writers group. (Tuesdays 12-1 ET and/or Wednesdays 6-7pm ET) Write to a prompt and share what you wrote. For $125/mth, you’ll get 1st draft and 2nd Draft. Each week three people bring a second draft for feedback and brainstorming. Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.Patreon.com/writingclassradio.

A new episode will drop every other Wednesday.

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story.  What’s yours?

Show Notes: Episode 134: #Medical Gaslighting: Writing as a Service

#MedicalGaslighting: Writing as a Service

Today on our show we share a story by Pamela McBride, a student in our First Draft and Second Draft writing group about her near fatal experience being dismissed by her doctor. This story is far too common for Black women and Pamela wants to re-write that story. She is tired of worrying about being the “angry Black woman” and gives women a prescription for how to take care of themselves.

We talk about writing as activism and writing as service. This story does both. 

Pamela McBride is an Atlanta-based senior advisor to the director of Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion in a federal agency and a 31-year military spouse. She is the co-author of two books. Pamela can be reached at www.PamelaMcBrideOnline.com or @PamelaMMcBride on Twitter.

You can find Pamela's stories here: https://www.sistersletter.com/health/medicalgaslighting-the-health-threat-black-women-cant-ignore?login=true and here: https://www.ama-assn.org/press-center/press-releases/new-ama-policy-recognizes-racism-public-health-threat ?

Writing Class Radio is produced by Allison Langer, Andrea Askowitz and by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski and Aidan Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music by Courtney Fox. 

There’s more writing class on our website including essays to study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. 

For $25/month you can join our First Draft weekly writers groups. (Tuesdays 12-1 ET and Wednesdays 6-7pm ET). Write to a prompt and share what you wrote. For $125/month, you’ll get 1st Draft and 2nd Draft. Each week three people bring a second draft for feedback and brainstorming. Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.Patreon.com/writingclassradio.

A new episode will drop every other Wednesday.

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

Show Notes: Here's My Abortion Story. Men, Tell Us Yours

Here’s My Abortion Story. Men, Tell Us Yours.

On June 24, the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. Today we bring you a personal essay that includes an abortion story, in hopes that it will prompt men to tell their abortion stories. The story was co-written by Andrea Askowitz and Ida Dupont. 

Ida and Andrea have been in the abortion fight for thirty years. They realize reproductive justice advocates (them included) made a mistake in couching abortion as solely a women’s issue. Men benefit from abortions just as much as women. Men need to tell their stories because stories change minds and laws. Writing Class Radio wants #mensabortionstories. If you agree, please share this episode with #mensabortionstories.

Also on this episode co-hosts Allison Langer, Zorina Frey, and Andrea Askowitz talk about how writing about an experience and a unique take on a subject at the top of the news, is a way to get published.  

Ida Dupont is an Associate Professor at Pace University in the Sociology Department. She researches and teaches about sexuality, social movements, criminology, and reproductive justice. The original story appeared in NBCNews under Andrea’s byline with Ida Dupont contributing. 

Writing Class Radio is produced by Allison Langer, Andrea Askowitz and by Matt Cundill and Evan Surminski at theSound Off Media Company. Theme music by Courtney Fox.

There’s more writing class on our website including essays to study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. 

For $25/month you can join our First Draft weekly writers group. (Tuesdays 12-1 ET or Wednesdays 6-7pm ET) Write to a prompt and share what you wrote. For $125/mth, you’ll get 1st draft and 2nd Draft. Each week three people bring a second draft for feedback and brainstorming. Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and most importantly, the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.Patreon.com/writingclassradio.

A new episode will drop every other Wednesday.

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. Men, what’s yours?

#mensabortionstories, #abortion, #writingpodcast, #roevwade

Pen v Gun. Which is the Deadlier Weapon?

By Robert Fell

Here in prison, the pen is our most essential tool. It’s our only weapon, and more deadly than a gun.

photo by jay rembert on upsplash

A gun can injure you, or worse, kill you or someone else, but a gun can also save your life. The gun saved my life many times when I defended this country at war. A gun also fucked up my life forever. A gun can’t get you justice, but it can get you locked in here with me.

photo by glen carrie on upsplash

With the pen, you can educate yourself, write grievances and file court appeals, and in rare cases even gain decisions which change laws in your favor. Sometimes I use my pen to draw little sketches, remembering a scene or place like our dock on a small lake in Michigan. Or a flower I’m writing about. I love to write.

My pen doesn’t require batteries. There is no hard drive to become corrupted. Nothing I write is lost or erased because it’s written with a pen and stored on paper. You can put a pen behind your ear or carry it in your pocket. A pen doesn’t require power. It can’t catch a virus or be a victim to magnetic warfare.

The pen is my best friend. I’d be lost without my pen. It’s my only means of sanity in this dreadful place. Everything I share with you is part of my history. That is thanks to the pen.

The pen is deadlier than the gun. Judges use their pen to sentence men to death. News reporters are lethal with their pen. It takes only one reporter to jot down negative thoughts to change the course of someone’s life.

photo by marco chilese on unsplash

Here in prison, the corrections officers use pens to keep records on us and write us up, so they can lock us up for longer. A pen allows the Parole commission to check the release box. But it seems they’re out of ink when that time comes for me. On nine occasions, the pen was dry.

Our president signs laws into order, signs peace treaties, and with his signature can declare war upon another nation. One signature of the pen can stop millions from being killed or being locked up for life.

Prison is the most fucked up place on earth. It can bring any sane person’s self-esteem down to shambles in little or no time. But, not me. The pen is my escape into another realm. In my mind, and then on paper, I can leave this dreadful place any time. They can keep my physical body in here but never my mind, which is free to wander. To get the full effect of my daydream adventures, I write them down.

The pen is an extension of my soul crying out to share my feelings, my thoughts, my desires and needs with you. Without the pen, you wouldn’t know me. I am Robert Fell # 072139.

Robert Fell graduated Cornell University with a Bachelors of Agricultural Science. He’s certified as a specialist vegetable grower in intensive growing methods and has over 5000 hours in facilitating other inmates and DOC staff in intensive farming methods. Robert is serving a life sentence for murder.

For more stories from the inside, listen to our 10-part prison series inspired by the men host Allison Langer taught memoir in prison. Click to listen to the series.

What is the Difference Between a Cow and a Prisoner?→

The Barn

By Robert Fell

photo by umanoide

It’s 4:00 pm and we’re rushed inside the decrepit open bay dorm, just like cattle. I am an inmate in a Florida prison. The dorm feels like a barn. A Florida Department of Corrections barn the USDA inspectors would cite for mistreatment of cattle.

Our barn was built over 40 years ago, prior even to my coming to prison. The barn has become old and worn down. Mold is everywhere. The windows won’t close, so every time it rains, water pours in. Same for the cold. We are forced to wear our sweatshirts and thermals to sleep. Rust is on our lockers, our showers, and our beds. The beds have metal slats spaced so far apart, our thin mattresses slip between the slats. The mattresses are worn to a mere inch thick. Their covers are torn and cracked. Pillows stink of the hundreds of others who have used these same ones. Four-inch spikes poke through the ceiling like the barrel of an AR-15. Toilets stink of piss and poop. Screens are torn, so mosquitoes harvest our blood each night. The spiders lurk nearby to receive a double dose of bug juice and human blood.

There’s 74 of us cows in this barn. After being counted, we’re rushed along a concrete path to the slop house, known by most as the chow hall. We are herded down a narrow path marked with a yellow line. If you step out of line, there’s a prison guard banishing an AR-15. She screams obscenities as she points the gun down from her tower.

Ranchers don’t threaten their cattle as our cow masters threaten us. Cattle are given plenty of time to eat. We are given five minutes. No normal person can wolf down a meal in five minutes. But they don’t see us as normal. To them, we are animals.

photo by annie spratt

Back to the barn we are herded. We are so used to the pushing and shoving that we act like cattle. In threes, we try to squeeze through a door made for one. We fight for space farting and mooing.

Some of my fellow animals seem content and happy in this barn. That’s what’s called institutionalized.

I have been in prison for 42 years. I made a mistake, but I am no animal.

Robert Fell graduated Cornell University with a Bachelors of Agricultural Science. He’s certified as a specialist vegetable grower in intensive growing methods and has over 5000 hours in facilitating other inmates and DOC staff in intensive farming methods. Robert is serving a life sentence for murder.

For more stories from the inside, listen to our 10-part prison series inspired by the men host Allison Langer taught memoir in prison. Click to listen to the series.

The Struggle to Show Up to Writing Class by Sydney Schreiber

Student Sydney Schreiber responding to a writing prompt in First Draft.

“Zoom writing class on the horizon,” I said to myself as I woke. I felt a kind of let-down. Well not really a let-down, more of a doubt, and the usual questions came to mind. “Is it worth it? Can you do something more with your time? What's the use?" 

After my chorus of doubt was over, I said, "Come on, get with it. Look how great it's been. How cool, getting online with other people, watching them, listening to them, and sharing with them all without leaving the living room."

I proceeded with my morning: a 5 am swim, dog-walk, coffee, breakfast, phone calls, wash and then, yes, write. This time I took my notebook and didn't turn on the computer, afraid to attract the internet research procrastination genie. A composition book and a pen has always seemed to work better. Forty-five minutes of writing seemed like suspended time. When I was finished writing what was in me, it seemed like much more time had gone by. 

After that, I started doing all the things that I usually did when I was procrastinating, things that I absolutely had to do before I sat down to write, but now rather than feeling guilty about them, I felt pleasure. Pleasure in making something to eat. Pleasure in chasing the robotic vacuum cleaner, pleasure in doing laundry, writing emails, and then at noon, pleasure at the prospect of my Writing Class Radio’s Zoom class.

The reading has started, and I look at and listen to a narrator. Wow, I am listening to these people and I realize that my take on them changes as I listen to their stories. At first I see the outside—brunette, blond, reticent, vulnerable, shy, open, confident or doubtful—the physical or personality characteristics I perceive. But once I hear the story, I see the inside that is real and often under-appreciated by the person. When this narrator reads, she seems to discount her work even before she starts reading. Does she really want to be seen and heard? Is my perception of her demeanor accurate? Then, as the story unfolds, I begin to see a heroine. “Yes. Aha,” I say to myself as she opens the can of alphabet soup and pours it out. I see in her, the human story of self-acceptance, self-love, and it makes me feel very kindly towards the narrator. And as I have this feeling for her, I begin to feel it for myself.

I think back to my first thought of the day and realize it wasn't me who had doubts about the Zoom class, but instead a part of me I need to put back to sleep.

10 Good Things that Could Only Happen in 2020 by Emily Henderson

Kids reading in 2020

We are not fans of 2020. Nor are we fans of lists of good things. But listener and classmate Emily Henderson nailed it when she put together this list of good things that could only happen in 2020. For more Emily, click here!

I'm with the whole world when I say 2020 sucked, but I stop short of calling it the worst year ever.

That honor goes to 2019.

2019 was the year Aiden got cancer. It was the year he died. 2020 was supposed to be the year we grieved him.

But just as we were beginning to get our feet under us the whole world shut down and the grief we were trying to process for our son became so interwoven with the collective grief of the world. It was impossible to untangle the two.

Somehow though, I was able to find small pockets of peace, joy, and understanding this year.

These good things may have happened because of the pandemic... or perhaps, in spite of it. 

1. My Kids are Close Enough to Touch.

Aiden was diagnosed with brain cancer on July 31st and he died on November 12th of 2019. He spent most of his 104 days in treatment at the hospital and I only slept a handful of nights at home.

Each time I left the driveway to return to the hospital Peyton was in tears. After Aiden died my arms felt empty and I yearned for physical closeness to my children still here on earth.

Lockdown meant watching movies on the couch, lunch at the table together and snuggles before bed. It meant for most of the day, they were close enough to touch.

2. Streaming Television.

We've been Netflix holdouts forever but it took all of a week of lockdown for me to pull the trigger on both Disney + and Netflix.

3. Take a Hike.

The kids and I took to hiking 2-3 times a week. They were mostly happy about it.

4. Thoughtful and consistent conversations about race.

The death of George Floyd and the collective pain and compounded grief that rippled through the Black community was tragic and I wish it never happened.

The kids and I watched events unfold over the summer. They asked tough questions I didn’t always have the answers to. They saw videos of police kneeling with protestors and they saw police spraying protestors with fire hoses. They asked why both times.

We did our research together. We celebrated Juneteenth for the first, but not the last time. We talked about the importance of language and listening. I think I did ok. Thank God there is no finish line.

5. Some Good News.

Oh, Jim... I mean John Krasinski, You are just so damn adorable and I love you even more now. Thank you for the weekly reminder that good things do happen.

This first episode features a girl who finished her last chemo treatment. She thanks the doctors and nurses at on the 4th floor at Children's Hospital Los Angeles. This is Aiden's hospital. The 4th floor is where he received his treatment. #hiAiden

6. Reading Life

The kids and I journaled for three days about who we are as readers. Stay tuned for a post on how it went. 

7. Talking on the phone

I forgot how much I love talking on the phone. A few months into lockdown and craving more than just text conversations, I started marking out time in my planner (yes, paper planner) to call a friend and have a real-life conversation.

I got the idea from educator and social entrepreneur, Rachel Cargle. She often talks about “radical self-care” and what could be more radical than ditching "productivity" and picking up the phone to call a person you care about.

In an age where calling someone without warning might be considered rude, I worried people would be annoyed or assume there was some kind of emergency. I found that people were just as excited to talk as I was. After a while, it started to feel like I was back in high school when I would talk on the phone for hours.

As I was writing this post a very good friend called me to say hello. We talked for more than 30 minutes and when we hung up I felt replenished, energized, and loved.

8. Every Single Street SB

I may have gotten around to it one day, but my #covidproject to run every single street in Santa Barbara never would have been so consistent and I for sure wouldn’t have made the local news.

9. Writing Class

I am a huge fan of the Writing Class Radio Podcast.

Over the summer I started taking their class on Tuesday mornings, then I added Thursdays, then I added Saturdays... I think I might be obsessed. Covid gave me the perfect excuse to finally put pen to paper in a consistent way with the expressed goal of becoming a better writer.

So far I’ve been published in The Santa Barbara Independent, Love What Matters, and most recently in Scary Mommy! If you take a look at my About Page you'll see I get to check that one off my bucket list. 

10. A Space of My Own

Distance learning means our living room is overrun with piles of school supplies and books. Everyone seemed to have a place to be except me. So, I decided to create a space of my own.

I claimed the desk in Aiden's room for myself.

In the corner, I set up a pencil box and my books on writing, and journal prompts. I have my spiral-bound notebooks and list pads and magazines and books I'm currently reading.

I have three books by Elizabeth Gilbert each one representative of three very difficult times in my life... More on that another time.

For Christmas Nick gave me an easy button. There is a recording of all three of my children playing together. It is the best sound and I get to hear it anytime I want.

Maybe it's because I survived such a devastating loss so recently. Maybe it's because I have financial security and the privilege that comes with that, or maybe it's because I know that even in the worst moments of our lives there is beauty.

I am as happy as anyone to turn the page on 2020, but looking back I'm grateful for those times I took advantage of the situation to grow.

What good things have you seen or done that wouldn't have happened without a pandemic? I'd love to hear about it.

Show Notes Episode 91: Bye Bye 2020

On today’s episode Andrea and Allison say goodbye to a shit year. They each took the prompt: Bye Bye 2020. Andrea got nothing and explains that the story she kept coming to--about her daughter having a rough time--is a story she’s not yet prepared to tell. Nothing else felt honest. 

Allison writes about her last chemo treatment on January 9, 2020. She was ready to move on from cancer forever, when six months later her dad sat down in her office midday and gave her the news: he had cancer. Her story is about the lessons she needs to learn, again, which is a microcosm of what we all are going through with the pandemic.

Writing Class Radio is co-hosted by Allison Langer (www.allisonlanger.com) and Andrea Askowitz (www.andreaaskowitz.com). This episode of Writing Class Radio is produced by Virginia Lora (www.virginialora.com), Andrea Askowitz and Allison Langer. Mia Pennekamp is our media specialist. Theme music is by Amadians.

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