after witnessing my best friend, galia, find love on match.com, i decided to give it a "re" try. i emailed my friend, augusto, to edit my match.com profile and within minutes, he came back with magic. when i told andrea, she said, "post that on our blog immediately! people need to see what editing can do. everyone needs an editor!"
First, this is awesome. Second, any comments I make feel free to ignore (I “edited” Galia’s Match profile and while she took some of my suggestions she also dismissed others--How fucking dare she edit my edits?!?-- so you post whatever feels right to you). And finally, my read of your profile is heavily influenced by the fact that I know you, know where you’re coming from, and know what you mean (i.e., I have a personal bias that works in your favor). So the comments below are after attempting to read the profile through the eyes of a guy who doesn’t know you at all, and is seeing this cold for the first time on Match. So with that in mind, see my comments below (I am only going to point out the things I think need tweaking, you can assume everything else is hilarious/cool/perfect because it is):
it's 9:15 in the morning and i am editing my match profile, waiting for instacart to arrive with my groceries, so i can leave for the gym. I had planned to work from home...but here i am $#%@ing around with my match profile. my kids get home from school at 3:15, so i have 6 hours to create the perfect persona.....which is no small feat.
i have been told i come across as one person but am completely different than i appear. wtf does that mean? (I use profanity, far more often than I would like, it’s a crutch and I hate it, but waddaya gonna do, so fuck it…that said, I think even innocuous “profane” acronyms such as WTF should be avoided in a profile, lest the reader misjudge you as anything less than Donald Trump-level “classy”…that said, given the ubiquitous use of “WTF” these days, maybe I’m just being a prig…feel free to ignore this suggestion…yeah, definitely ignore it). maybe i walk into a date with a huge wall up....instead of the happy, joking person i am. maybe i want to appear like i have it all together (who does, really?). like everyone else, i sometimes lose my temper with my fantastic/adorable/button-pushing kids more often than i would like (and just about as often as my friends will admit to and as my mom used to back in the day when me and my own hellion brother/sister were raising holy Hell around our house). sorry mom, i understand now!
i am a single mom....had the kids on my own, so i knew exactly what i wanted and I went for it. But I admit that every once in a while i do miss my “me” time, time to play and work and be spontaneous. Of course, when the kids are all being sweet and calm and we're all cuddled up on the couch watching jeopardy, i think, "ok, this is awesome." (choose your own adjective but jack it up a few notches beyond mere “good”)
i have been on match a few times before with not much success. i like the familiar, so meeting new people feels uncomfortable. i like to chat a little, get to know you before we meet. looks are important (i love rugged and natural), and i am a huge believer in chemistry, but i need to know that your soul is beautiful, and strong, and nourished as well. (this is a great line). sounds goofy, maybe, but i am looking for someone who compliments my life, whose life i compliment. i want to love and inspire you. i want to laugh with you and have fun...fun on the couch, cooking, bike riding, getting naked! I really want to devour (are you missing a noun here? devour what? coming after “getting naked” as it does, the male mind goes to one specific place) and love being together as a family and alone!
Other than when I’m with my children, (true or not, you’ve GOTTA preface it this way, trust me) my favorite moment in the day is when i put in my earbuds, click on a podcast and take a long walk or workout in the gym. instacart just arrived....off to enjoy my day!